This might be too nerdy, even for me.
(link from obviouswinner.com)
Sucker Punch, 2011
It’s been a long time since I saw a movie as bad as Suckerpunch. Let’s get that out of the way now. The script, the acting, the directing, virtually every element of the fundamental structure of the movie was deeply, fatally flawed. The lines the actors were forced to read, sometimes with visible difficulty, were atrocious. The film’s narrative was disjointed and largely incoherent. The “twist” ending was telegraphed so far in advance, I could have slept through the entire second act and still given a detailed breakdown of how the movie ended. Frankly, I almost wish I had. Let’s not kid ourselves, this flick was BAD. But even in the midst of all this determined awfulness, there are a couple of bright points. So let’s move on from Suckerpunch’s many failings, and focus on the movie’s one saving grace, the combat sequences.
The action director for the movie deserves a solid round of applause. The combat was big, both in scope and in drama, visceral, and was always very, very pretty. The girls’ martial displays were elegant, lyrical and a pleasure to watch while they carved a path through crowds of faceless, CGI-spawned mooks. Snyder has a lot of experience using CGI landscapes to good effect, both in 300 and Watchmen, and he uses that to good effect here. The dreamscapes the characters rampage through are a delight; giant temples, “Heavy Metal”-inspired World War 1 trenches, and futuristic alien cities. Even when I was actively trying not to listen to the dialogue, I was glued to the screen for the visuals during the combat.
Given all of that, Suckerpunch can be viewed as the most recent blow struck in Zack Snyder’s continuing war of style against substance – a deliberately vapid movie that exists only to display a large amount of nubile young girls in skimpy outfits hacking their way through armies of sluggish monsters. It’s stupid, sure, but it’s not meant to win awards, it’s just here to tittilate us. The movie is all surface, with absolutely nothing under the hood, like a Lamborgini chassis put on a go-kart motor. But for some people, that’s the perfect ride.
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Jessica adds: Warner Brothers released the first six minutes of the movie today to lure in more hapless viewers, I suppose. Be aware that these are six of the best minutes — it doesn’t sustain this pace. 
There’s certainly a lot of boring stock photography out there. How many times have you seen people standing around looking up authoritatively, or a young pretty woman wearing a headset next to the “live support” feature? Probably a lot. But what about, say, Hitler in a gingham dress peeling potatoes? Uh huh, you read that right.
That image comes from this collection of 60 Completely Unusable Stock Photos, which also includes the work of art seen to the left. I have been trying to grasp what the intent of the photographer was with this piece. There’s seniors, see. And they’re armed! Maybe they’re fighting.. maybe they’re laughing. They certainly look more likely to hit each other with their guns than use them. And there’s a frightened rabbit on the table, watching it all………
Consider it the David Lynch movie of stock photography, I guess.
I say Rebecca Black is a genius and that anybody telling her she’s cheesy is full of shit.
— Lady Gaga earlier today in an interview with Google (?!)
Good news, everyone! Sharktopus, the movie about a weaponized shark-octopus hybrid experiment, is out on DVD this week.
A few months from now when Japan is a little more stable we should really start an aid donation campaign for Eric Roberts because he clearly needs it.
Happy Monday! What did you do this weekend? Did it involve… crafts?
Oh sure, crafts are good in theory. They usually involve skill to some degree, give us an outlet for creativity, and when you’re done you have something to display in your home or give as a gift to someone you love. But as with all things in life sometimes people can get a little overstimulated with crafts. Like, for example, buying a book on knitting your own Royal Wedding, including templates for knitters to add themselves to the event.
“Oh, Yarn Prince William, Yarn Kate doesn’t understand you like I do! In yarn.”
Of course the crafters themselves are not always the only ones affected by their lopsided work. Sometimes loved ones also pay the toll, like these 20 Sad Etsy Boyfriends. The jauntiness of their crocheted caps belies the haunted pain in their eyes.
Update: To balance out my earlier smack talk I figured I should link this page on how to felt the Angry Birds. They are, in fact, adorable.
I guess this is as fine an inaugural post as one could ask for. If you’re reading this, prolixity.org is under construction and how the heck did you find us anyway?
But back to the birds. I’m pleased to say that this is trailer for a movie that actually exists, properly titled “Birdemic: Shock and Terror”. In the battle between man and bird, who is the real monster?
